Thinking Outside the P.O. Box

About a year ago, the U.S. Post Office reported that it lost$1.9 billion in the second quarter. Like you, my first reaction was, “Really? Are you kidding me? How is that even possible?”

Apparently it’s true – and therefore quite possible. But it’s hard for me to comprehend such a thing. That's crazy. I’m a guy who gets upset when I incur a $2 fine at the library. I tend to think small when it comes to finances, so it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around such big budgets and staggering losses.  It’s also hard not to be perturbed when I consider taxpayers fund the Postal Service.

However, despite being equal parts aghast and outraged, I’m going to take the high road here. Sure, the more obvious play would be to unleash a rant of how the Postal Service is a dinosaur – how it’s inefficient, poorly managed and hemorrhaging cash like many other government entities (i.e. states and the federal government itself) because they have not yet truly grasped the weighty concept of how spending more money than you take in over time will get you in trouble.

I know, these things take time to understand. No rush. 

I am thinking perhaps a little creativity here might be just the ticket to help out the U.S. Postal Service. You know, a little brainstorming. There has to be some way to bring in some extra cash.  Apparently, they really need it given that in total they owe about $100 billion in benefit payments to current and retired workers. Apparently a sizable chunk of this money that it owes is congressionally mandated by laws drafted and passed by our sage elected officials.

So, I’ve come up with a few ideas that may have some financial promise.  Maybe others can think of some ideas as well. Before you know it, we can get that red ink on the balance sheet to dry up.

Here goes.

1. Mail Truck Ads – This seems like a no-brainer, right? Plaster the Postal Service trucks with ads. Cities already do it with buses and trains to bring in cash. The possibilities are endless, and those trucks are all over the place. Picture ads for Dr. Scholl’s insoles, sun-block, sunglasses, weather-related apparel. It could rake in millions.
2. Throw-Back Uniforms – Take a tip from the National Football League and Major League Baseball and start issuing “throw back” uniforms. MLB and the NFL are printing money with all the different jerseys, caps and other merchandise they sell, so why not try it with postal uniforms? I’ll grant you, letter carriers don’t have the same status in our society as star athletes, but it’s all in the marketing. Who wouldn’t want a sweet pair of 1980s era postal shorts? Stylish, comfortable, durable. 
3. Postal Premium Service – When I travel for work or if our whole family is gone on vacation,  like many of you, I worry about my house. Will someone rob it? Will it flood? If only there were some trusted person who could check on it and send me a text to tell me all is OK. Wait! What about a postal employee? They’re at my house 6 days a week. What if the Postal Service set up some premium service -- say for $9.99 a month – and did a quick residence check for me?  Who needs ADT and these silly alarm companies that really don’t do much of anything anyways? Bang – millions of dollars.
4. Elderly Visits – So, let's keep going with this. Consider that by 2030 there will be upwards of 70 million people in the US over the age of 65. These seniors get lonely. Plus they have needs. I’m not talking about a social work project here, but how long can it take to drop in and say hi? Boost their spirits? The Postal Service can just roll this into the monthly premium service. Heck, if these seniors are living on Social Security, then the taxpayer funds flow from the Social Security Administration right over into the Postal Service coffers. This assumes, of course, that the SSA is not bankrupt by 2030. That might be a big assumption, I realize. 
5. Music Video – This might seem outlandish, but think about the 1985 Chicago Bears and their Super Bowl Shuffle. They Bears crank out a zany song, "dance" a bit and it hits No. 41 on the Billboard Charts and is nominated for a Grammy (best rhythm and blues performance by a duo or group). I'm thinking, have postal workers create the “Postal Shuffle.” There have to be many talented singers and dancers among our nation’s 300,000 letter carriers. Think of the positive marketing potential. The video goes viral. They sell ads, plus they could take the act on the road -- sort of a goodwill tour. 

                Plus, I’m thinking they could build on the Bear’s lyrics, but go with something like:

“We know that we’re in financial trouble

So we’re digging out doing the Postal Shuffle”

Who knows, maybe this last one is far-fetched. They might hit a copyright infringement too. But, still, it’s an idea.  

What ideas do you have? Let’s think outside the P.O. Box and help them shore up their finances.